Big Lie

The big lie, as defined by Haskell and re-iterated by Manatu, seems to be that by re-inforcing 'natural' or appropriate gender differences there is a reinforcing of women's inferiority status. While a preference for the idea of romance instead of sex, or of realizing intimacy through romance as opposed to sexuality, is often considered to be a hallmark of feminimity, as portrayed in traditional romance it also often seems to be a method of devaluation. Because this traditional romance can only be realized by acquiescence (eventually) to the desires and autonomy of masculinity, it in fact represents women as needing men's guidance or dominance as part of the natural sphere of gender roles. Whether or not women are actually more 'romantic' than men becomes secondary to the use of this concept in plotting which requires women to eventually cede autonomy to the desires of the opposing gender.

The 'happily ever after' portion of this seems to be the incentive for such submissiveness. By relinquishing self-control to the inevitable union which lies at the end of most romances, you are guaranteed perpetual happiness. Clearly (and this has been stated before and more eloquently than I will) this doesn't allow for chance, death, social factors and most importantly for personality. As the divorce rate in the post-war world adequately showed us, perpetual and monogamous happiness might not actually be a goal that everyone can actualize. The use of 'happily ever after' combined with the 'big lie' of certain gender role representation is a way for formula romance to appeal to certain fantasies, desires and hopes of viewers (male and female, I would argue).